the thyroid is shaped like a butterfly
︎︎︎ Vanessa Kowalski
︎ MAY 28, 2022
i knew i saw it coming
but it wasn’t part of the plan she said
i fear a crushing, fatal blow to the head
all the while my cunt becomes a home to a copper monument erected in your honour
the middle of america is somewhere in Kansas,
and so i too fold in half
the first time i saw my cancer was on a screen while my eyes rolled backwards
almost back into my head and back inside
trying to catch a glimpse of a red hot sun cyst
my lymph nodes and my butterfly ablaze
cooled by the anti friction gel
the closest i’ll ever get
to seeing the only thing that’s been growing inside of me
gestating
i’ve always dreamed of being so expansive, so expanded
spreading my wings and fanning them out on the petals of nonnative species
now all i want is to be small
smaller
smallest,
removed
but it wasn’t part of the plan she said
i fear a crushing, fatal blow to the head
all the while my cunt becomes a home to a copper monument erected in your honour
the middle of america is somewhere in Kansas,
and so i too fold in half
the first time i saw my cancer was on a screen while my eyes rolled backwards
almost back into my head and back inside
trying to catch a glimpse of a red hot sun cyst
my lymph nodes and my butterfly ablaze
cooled by the anti friction gel
the closest i’ll ever get
to seeing the only thing that’s been growing inside of me
gestating
i’ve always dreamed of being so expansive, so expanded
spreading my wings and fanning them out on the petals of nonnative species
now all i want is to be small
smaller
smallest,
removed
Vanessa Kowalski is a Polish-American independent curator, writer, editor, and artist. She received a BFA in Photography from the School of Visual Arts in New York City, and an MA in Curating, Mediating, and Managing Art from Aalto University in Helsinki, Finland. Her artworks and writing have been featured in books and publications such as Clog x Artificial Intelligence, Take Shape Mag, Precog Mag, Speed of Resin, and more. She currently lives and works in California where she loves making a mess and cleaning it up.
Also by Vanessa: i am already tired