growing pains
︎︎︎ Sarah Yanni
︎ October 22, 2022
the ivy in the window makes the room darker now
when I first moved in it was
barren twigs
a house of decay
my lowest and I fell into a leather couch
subleased linen sheets from a stranger
but in January
the sun rose brightly on my bed in it, my body basked
reading but not really reading just watching words
left to right continuing the scan off-page
till my eyes hit the wall
I was looking for a surface to land on
I was looking to ground
an essential oil scent that is just called
yoga
I have no idea what it smells like
I just know it gives me allergies
and also brings me peace
I’m tired of everyone trying prayer
it was my burden to learn then unlearn and so what
maybe I want to pray a little now
but not like before and not
like you
I’ve learned that morality is uncertain and that creates
expanse I’ve learned that
time folds in on itself and sometimes
I’m at my parents’ house and I am made to feel
small again and I both love and hate
that feeling of shrinking away
when I first moved in it was
barren twigs
a house of decay
my lowest and I fell into a leather couch
subleased linen sheets from a stranger
but in January
the sun rose brightly on my bed in it, my body basked
reading but not really reading just watching words
left to right continuing the scan off-page
till my eyes hit the wall
I was looking for a surface to land on
I was looking to ground
an essential oil scent that is just called
yoga
I have no idea what it smells like
I just know it gives me allergies
and also brings me peace
I’m tired of everyone trying prayer
it was my burden to learn then unlearn and so what
maybe I want to pray a little now
but not like before and not
like you
I’ve learned that morality is uncertain and that creates
expanse I’ve learned that
time folds in on itself and sometimes
I’m at my parents’ house and I am made to feel
small again and I both love and hate
that feeling of shrinking away
Sarah Yanni is a writer, editor, and educator in Los Angeles. She is Managing Editor of TQR and has been recognized as a Finalist for the 2022 Andres Montoya Poetry Prize, Poetry Online's 2021 Launch Prize, BOMB Magazine's 2020 Poetry Contest, and the Hayden's Ferry Review Inaugural Poetry Contest. She's online @sssaritahh / sarahsophiayanni.com.
Also by Sarah: I am a smart girl