I am a smart girl
︎︎︎ Sarah Yanni
︎ AUG 9, 2022
with practice, the story
is more clear
infinitely more precise
so many times
I’ve told it
at first, meandering pockets
of details I didn’t know
how to empty
but now
my edits are sharp
I get straight to the point because really––
it’s simple: what happened was
I folded myself neatly like
paper stacked
into a clean pile and one day the wind
was too strong
it blew me eastbound, tore
the sheets in half but
they landed, softly, on green
still––how could I have been
so encumbered
we are told that joy is foolish
pain as the condition
of intelligence so I thought myself
the smartest
of all girls
there’s a thing in my stomach about this
I wish a lot of things
like for everyone
to think I am good
I used to be
a lot of things, too
and now I am good at building beds
taking the trash to the dumpster
before it’s filled
remembering to turn
lights out
when I leave, locking top
and bottom, putting the duvet
cover on
dabbing cool white cream
beneath my eyes
and not looking
in the mirror, instead merely trusting that
beauty is there, finding home
in my cheeks
is more clear
infinitely more precise
so many times
I’ve told it
at first, meandering pockets
of details I didn’t know
how to empty
but now
my edits are sharp
I get straight to the point because really––
it’s simple: what happened was
I folded myself neatly like
paper stacked
into a clean pile and one day the wind
was too strong
it blew me eastbound, tore
the sheets in half but
they landed, softly, on green
still––how could I have been
so encumbered
we are told that joy is foolish
pain as the condition
of intelligence so I thought myself
the smartest
of all girls
there’s a thing in my stomach about this
I wish a lot of things
like for everyone
to think I am good
I used to be
a lot of things, too
and now I am good at building beds
taking the trash to the dumpster
before it’s filled
remembering to turn
lights out
when I leave, locking top
and bottom, putting the duvet
cover on
dabbing cool white cream
beneath my eyes
and not looking
in the mirror, instead merely trusting that
beauty is there, finding home
in my cheeks
Sarah Yanni is a writer, editor, and educator in Los Angeles. She is Managing Editor of TQR and has been recognized as a Finalist for the 2022 Andres Montoya Poetry Prize, Poetry Online's 2021 Launch Prize, BOMB Magazine's 2020 Poetry Contest, and the Hayden's Ferry Review Inaugural Poetry Contest. She's online @sssaritahh / sarahsophiayanni.com.