The Clownish Elite


︎︎︎ Lillian Mottern

︎ Oct 15, 2024

Outside the McDonald’s on Delancey and Essex I noticed that my lover’s hands had turned to glass. We were stood waiting for a taxi to get there and the yellow sheen coming from inside the McDonald’s caught on her fingernails like stage lights. In my dream last night, I was dancing dumb pig ballet as you recited your nonsense poetry for our friends, and as such, I was arrayed in red hot lipstick and the costume of a girl-clown. I did not sweat, I found myself quite repulsive, but I kept on.

Honestly? Margaret? Honestly? If I’m being totally honest? I think I lost it when I let you read my diary. Most of what was in there was made up anyway. Sleep well / I’m sorry / I’ll leave my lipstick on your pillows, and wrap your hands in silk before I leave in hopes that they won’t break in the night.  




















Lillian Mottern is a writer from Los Angeles, now living in New York, where she curates the reading series Chinese Dollar Store. Her criticism and fiction have been published in The Big One, Waif, Wigleaf, The Living Room, and The Foundationalist. She is co-editor of Perennial Magazine and has an MFA in Playwriting from Columbia University. @lillianmottern