Speculum fiction
︎︎︎ Odelia Wu
︎ June 9, 2025
I am not ready but it's time. The child cannot live without its mother.
Watch it squirm, scream
Cat scratch fever, count fragile beats. Three four five. Metallic ringing,
Numbed by a needle to the neck of the womb
How do I say, I’m sorry for what hasn’t happened yet?
I know I will fail you. My hips aren’t wide enough. My breasts are too flat. My temper is too short.
I leave the milk out overnight. I forget the trash on Sundays. I never preheat the oven.
My first pap smear, I was terrified of stainless steel. Turns out they use plastic for that now. It’s not so bad, actually. God, I even kind of liked it—the attention, the after care. Nurse was tender, just like you, my first time. She treated me like a mother would. Like only a mother could.
Here I am, soft cream,
warm mouth,
open thighs
I will be your eraser.
Watch it squirm, scream
Cat scratch fever, count fragile beats. Three four five. Metallic ringing,
Numbed by a needle to the neck of the womb
How do I say, I’m sorry for what hasn’t happened yet?
I know I will fail you. My hips aren’t wide enough. My breasts are too flat. My temper is too short.
I leave the milk out overnight. I forget the trash on Sundays. I never preheat the oven.
My first pap smear, I was terrified of stainless steel. Turns out they use plastic for that now. It’s not so bad, actually. God, I even kind of liked it—the attention, the after care. Nurse was tender, just like you, my first time. She treated me like a mother would. Like only a mother could.
Here I am, soft cream,
warm mouth,
open thighs
I will be your eraser.
Odelia Wu is from New York. Her work has appeared in Expat Press, Hobart Pulp, and Moral Crema.