& I thought 7 years was a long time

︎︎︎ Jason Emde

︎ April 22, 2021

shoulda mastered money             
& rain by now      but

after tomorrow’s tomorrow’s tomorrow
something is old

all started with students
flinging finger-hearts

what I remember
when I remember

thumb & index together      & raised
& say kyun desu

“the sound of your heart”
beating lush in the chest

drove me home her car her
white shirt the ice

when I remember
something is old

dim-eyed in a dark
her white shirt in the dark

freight a finger with heart-fall
send it nearer      also back

towards her gift
a freshening      a feel thing

when lush was the word
& flop was the colour

my old fingers now
going kyun in the hallway

girls the same age
as when lush was the word

white shirt in the dark
a free feel thing

when my fingers could summon
a lushness & damp

heartbound & how
to remember      remember

my fangs
in the dark      rushing to linger

the small hearts I made
      with this & that finger

Jason Emde is a teacher, writer, undefeated amateur boxer, MFA Creative Writing Program candidate at UBC, and the author of My Hand’s Tired and My Heart Aches (Kalamalka Press, 2005). Focused on roving, expatriation, pilgrimage, loss, and sensual derangement, his work has appeared in Real Travel, The Malahat Review, Soliloquies Anthology, The Watershed Review, and numerous other publications. Jason lives in Japan with his wife, Maho, and their typhoon sons, Joe and Sasha.